July 25, 2017 § Leave a comment
I have two children. They are amazing! I love them more than life! They are funny, talented, smart, obedient, cute to boot, and just overall the most amazing little humans ever!! Every moment with them is wonderful! They crack me up all day, and I can’t imagine my life without them! I put them before everyone, and without that I do not know what I would do!
Now, most of this is true. Maybe not the obedient part so much. But aren’t your tired of reading that?? Are we all tired of the moms who are always bright and peppy, they are never so frustrated that they complain. All we ever hear is how wonderful and blessed they are even in the ‘trying‘ moments. I know I am.
This whole thought process started after I posted a status on Facebook that read, “My children are my heart! ❤️” immediately I had people loving my status. It wasn’t because I said anything revolutionary, but it was different from what I normally post. Normally, I am complaining, venting my frustrations about … guess what … my children. Yup, that’s right! I complain about my wonderful, funny cute little human creatures. Why, you ask? Many reasons.
Motherhood is hard.
Children are needy.
Children are mean.
Children don’t listen, fuss, fight, make messes, don’t clean after themselves throw tantrums over not being able to walk around with a plastic bag over their head, or because they want soda instead of strawberry milkshake.
There is never enough time or attention for children, when you give everything they are right there needing more.
Now, I have no problem with women who do not view motherhood the way I do. If you never tire of your children, love every tantrum, think that everything is a glorious learning experience, that’s great! But I don’t relate to that mom. It’s impressive, but I am not that mother.
One thing any mother knows is that you share everything with your children starting at conception. You start by sharing your body, hormones, emotions, even your organs move to accommodate them. Once they are born your time, attention, food, everything is theirs. And I knew this going in, maybe not to the extent that I know it now two kids later, but I was informed.
But Facebook I do not share with my children. What I mean by that is that I do not use Facebook or any of my social media outlets to brag about my wonderful little hellions. No. I use it to vent to my adult friend, most of whom have children, about how crummy some of my days go, about how badly I want a glass of wine at the end of the night because someone rubbed human fecal matter on my couch, or threw one ten minute tantrum after the next. I hope that doesn’t offend.
I have had plenty of friend leave comments about cherishing the time with my kids while they are little, that I will miss this stuff I am complaining about, time flies, etc. And I get that, but I’m looking for something more real. Like someone to relate to, because being a stay at home mom is isolating. And this guilt trip that is laid on mom’s for complaining is, frankly, outdated. Everyone is allowed to complain about their job, so am I.
You can make your own assumptions about my children. And I sincerely hope that they get good reviews on the merits of their behavior, because I refuse make it for anyone.
July 17, 2017 § Leave a comment
The past few weeks have been… difficult. I decided to take the kids on a road trip at the beginning of July for my sister’s 30th birthday. We drove 14 hours straight, which in hindsight, was a bad choice. However, we arrived and successfully surprised my sister! Yes, there were tears.
During this two week period, which involved meeting up with friend, handing children off for sleep overs with grandparents, birthday parties, shopping, oh and the worst part, terrible stomach viruses. This last part, the stomach viruses, postponed the return trip a few days.
There has been a lot going on this summer. Between moving, having to fill up my kid’s time with activities, and school I have yet to figure out a good balance. And my school has decided to have no breaks between terms. Which means I do an eight week term which ends on a Sunday, and start the new 8 week term that next day on the Monday.
What’s been the hardest part of being in school, and staying at home with my children is that I need to really focus on my work when I have no time. Children are constantly running around, screaming, giggling, asking questions, needing food, water, milk, or throwing a fit because they aren’t able to have plastic bag on their head, or can’t eat soap.
This is my final year, my senior year at Southern New Hampshire University, which means that my year will be filled with English/writing courses, and electives of my choosing. This is the point in my education where I really want to focus, and do everything to the best of my abilities. Not that I wasn’t 100% in the rest of the time, my GPA is 3.75 or something (toot toot). But these writing courses are applicable to what I want to do for a career.
So, how will I balance everything in my life? I’m feeling a bit flustered lately. I want so badly to be a good writer. Not the next F. Scott Fitzgerald or Jane Austen, writing the next great American novel would be nice, but I just want to be good at it. I am nervous that I won’t be. That everything going on in my life right now is too much to truly pay attention my work. I don’t want to just make it through, I want to study and learn.
Jack starts school in August which will make things a little easier. Just having one, and that one being able to entertain herself, will leave me time to myself.
Until then though …