June 30, 2017 § Leave a comment
It’s nights like tonight, in the small moments of quiet, that I find myself reflecting on my parenting. Specifically, how I parent my son, Jack.
You see, from the moment Jack was born he has been strong willed, active, a bit of a bull in the China shop. He doesn’t quit until his eyes are shut, nestled in bed, but even then his active mind moves his body without him even knowing. I hear him talking in his sleep over the monitor, and smile to myself.
But then something happens. I begin to think about everything that is involved in raising this strong-willed, 100% boy. A lot of discipline, a lot of fussing, a lot of lost tempers (his and mine), and a lot of tears (his and mine). His constant need to voice his opinion, his side of the story, his version of the truth, is usually met with listening ears, but also, with consequences. I believe in teaching my children that they can choose to do what they like. That they know the rules and may choose whether or not they want to follow them. However, if they choose not to follow their are consequences. Time-outs, toys and iPads being taken away, they have free will but it best for everyone if they listen and follow the rules.
Jack has begun to make the right choices with more frequency, which makes us both happy. But I always wonder, am I being too hard on him? Am I being too strict? Not strict enough? Will he grow up, and only see me as someone who was always on his case, or will we have a relationship?
The idea that we wouldn’t brings tears to my eyes
I know that I am not the only one who has a strong willed child. I know consistency is key, and that it may be trying now, but the reward comes later when he settles down into being a respectful child.
But sometimes it’s hard.
June 6, 2017 § Leave a comment
However, sadly wheat products and gluten do not sit well with me, and I have had to cut it out of my diet. You heard right. No bread, no noodles, nothing fluffy and delicious. This has made my life pretty bland. I know, I know, there are plenty of gluten free options that are delicious and won’t wreck my GI tract. But let me tell ya, there really aren’t. Usually, they are horrible substitutes that are so off-putting that I just rather not eat bread, or any of it’s horrible substitutes ever again.
That being said, there are a few substitutes I do enjoy. Udi’s does gluten free bread and chocolate muffins that are great! Wish I didn’t have to pay half a million dollars for four muffins, but occasional it’s nice to treat yo’self.
When I was in my local grocery store I happened upon Horizon Organic Gluten Free Cheesy Mac I was excited! I thought to myself, “Horizon? Aren’t those the people who make the super creamy, delicious chocolate milk?” I was so excited I bought a box that costs more than two boxes of Velveeta Mac n Cheese. I was hopeful, ready to dive into this yummy bowl of goodness that was in fact, going to be ok for me to eat. Unlike the other Mac n cheeses, which my body wholly rejects, this one was going to be amazing!
The kicker is that I had been on an extremely restrictive diet for 26 days, without a cheat meal at all! This was going to be a celebration!
I boiled the noodles.
Poured the white cheese powder into 3/4 cup of milk.
Now, you have to know when dealing with Gluten Free noodles, if it says boil for 8 – 10 mins, you boil it for 15 to 20. Then the texture will be something like normal noodles.
I did it.
Than it was time. Time to indulge, not only because it was Gluten Free, but because I hadn’t had carbs in almost a month!
So, imagine my world crashing down on itself as I began to chew my first bite. Where I thought I would be enjoying a cheesy, gooey, mess of Mac n cheese, I was greeted with tough, aldente noodles, and cheese that was tasteless and watery. The noodles had a strange after taste, in that hot sauce could not cover up.
But, call it laziness or not being a wasteful person, I ate the whole, horrible bowl.
Needless to say, I do not recommend this product, and I will not be buying it again.
Will they ever make a gluten free Mac n cheese that is equal in deliciousness to Velveeta Mac n cheese? I don’t know, but I don’t think I will continue searching. It’s too hard.
Lol until next time…
June 2, 2017 § 3 Comments
A lot of my friends have suggested that I start a lifestyle blog, essentially this would mean that I mommy blog. I have nothing against mommy blogging. I am a mommy, I do blog, but there is a difference, I think, between my blogging and what mommy bloggers do (for the most part).
Most mommy bloggers tend to talk about how wonderful being a mommy is. And while there are aspects of motherhood that I love, there are certainly more that I do not. You see, I am a stay at home mom out of necessity not out of the desire to raise up my children. To put it simply, it’s too expensive to send my children to daycare. So, I stay home, do school around nap times, and find the happy in my situation until things can change. I am not miserable, but I just don’t feel like motherhood is where my talents are best utilized. That is to say, I don’t think I am a fantastic mom.
Now please, I do not say that to get sympathy because I am happy in my life now, but you won’t find me making arts and crafts with my little ones every day. I don’t fill up their days with activities and play dates, they don’t eat everything organic, I didn’t even nurse for God sake! So, how can this mom, who isn’t thrilled about having to take my kids to the park during the day because she hates to sweat supposed to mommy blog? Aren’t mommy bloggers supposed to LOVE every second being moms?
My blog would consist of the struggles that fill my day. Teaching my son that cornering his sister with the hose will not make her want to play with him. Teaching my daughter that screaming for every, little thing is not the way to get what she wants. Potty training battles, the correct way to wipe your own butt, etc, etc, etc. Believe me, people on my Facebook will tell you that I complain, and highlight my mommy fails a lot. But I find that this is the way that I vent. This is how I get through my day, by venting, writing, photographing, documenting my struggles. I feel like people can relate to that more than they can to this idea of the perfect mom.
I am sure I will write about my mommy fails here from time to time, but I am not sure that’s what I want my blog to be about.
June 2, 2017 § Leave a comment
Two posts in one day?! Whaaaaa?????!!!!
Freelance writing is something I have wanted to do for a couple of years now. I like the idea that I can work from home, continue to enjoy my kids, and make a little money. I don’t see myself writing the next great American novel, but I love writing! Not for fame or recognition, I mean, that would be nice. But I want to write, and be good at writing. I want people to read what I write, fiction or nonfiction, and enjoy it. I just bought, The Handmaids Tale by Margaret Atwood, and I was genuinely thrilled just reading her introduction. Her words were so moving as she told the story of how she came to write her novel! I thought, “This is how I want someone to feel reading something that I write.”
Writing feels like … freedom. It feels like I can get all of these crazy, jumbled stories and emotions out of my head. It’s the freedom to write about how I feel, and what I think is so freeing! I don’t know if that is just me, or if it’s something all writers feel, but it is one of the only things I feel truly passionate about in my life.
But where to begin? This is where I need guidance. I have no professional experience in writing, however, I think it is time that I start acquiring some. There is another problem, confidence. I have very little in my writing. Yes, I have asked my friends and family to read my work. Can I be frank? While I love them dearly, I don’t know that I can trust their opinions. I know they wouldn’t want to hurt my feelings, this means that they are honestly critiquing my work. I just want someone to say, “YOU SUCK.” If I do, in fact, suck. Or that I am good if I am good. I need validation.
So, if anyone has any advice on how to start freelance writing from the ground up, or how to create a writing portfolio out of thin air, let me know!
June 1, 2017 § Leave a comment
I noticed that I have gained a few followers, and I thought it was about time I introduce myself properly. I have mentioned things here and there about my life, and who I am, but I think to better understand where I am coming from and where I am trying to go, I should let you know a bit more. So, dear reader, here it is. Me.
I’ll start with a little bit about where I am from. I am from the South, not one place in particular, I have lived in several southern states. I am the middle child, I have an older brother and a younger sister, we are divided by two years between us all. I had a good childhood, nothing tragic or traumatic has ever really happened to me, I count my blessings as far as this is concerned. I was homeschooled my whole life until college. My parents were, hippies I believe would the easiest way to explain them. However, when I was about 16 I decided that rather than finish school I was going to just work the rest of my life. My father had done it, started his own painting company, not an empire mind you, but it has served him well most of his life. I have never been one with much ambition. I have never wanted to be a CEO, or even the boss of a company. When people I have worked for suggested that I become a leader I have shied away from it. I am type B personality, this means I have the skills to lead, but I do not have the desire. I am fine not being the one that everyone has to answer to. In fact, I like a job that is something comes up I can send the unhappy party to someone else to solve their problem. It isn’t that I cannot be the boss, I just don’t want to. This way of thinking, of being, is not conducive to wanting to quit school and just work my way through life. After I quit high school I worked small jobs, enough to save some money, quit, and then travel with friends. I did this until I was 20. Then I realized how I had made the wrong decision, and decided to get my GED. This remains my only regret in my life.
After I started college at the small community college in my town, I worked retail jobs and just pursued my degree for a few years. Because I had quit school I had so many remedial classes that my 4 year degree was going to take more like 6. This was discouraging, but I was resolved to finish. I have always been someone who has loved reading and writing. I was determined that I was going to finish my degree, and make something of myself.
At 23 I met my husband. I had gone with some friends to a poker night. Standing in the courtyard with my friends, my husband came around and I will be honest, I didn’t think much of him. He was cute, sure, but he wasn’t what I was looking for. In fact, I wasn’t looking for anyone in that context. I didn’t want to get married or have children. When I looked at my life, my future, I was happy to be alone. I saw myself working, writing, and just travelling. I could see myself sitting in some European country, sipping coffee, and enjoying quiet afternoons writing. After I met my husband my life goals changed drastically. After knowing him only 6 months we got married. 3 years later our son, Jack was born. 3 and a half years after Jack, Olivia arrived. We moved from our home in Louisiana to Frisco, Texas. Eventually, we moved three more times within Texas, and now we reside in North Carolina. My life is not what I had planned, but I love it! There are moments, moments that all I want in life is a few moments to myself. My children can be annoying. Yes, I said it… ANNOYING. But I love them, and I wouldn’t change what my life has become for anything.
So, now here I am 31, and in my last year of my bachelor’s degree. Yes, that’s right, it will take me 11 years to get my 4 year degree, and to that I say this…. I DID IT! I am not ashamed of the length of time it has taken me, however, being so close to graduating I feel an anxiety about the end being nigh. I am I too old to start a career right now? Is getting into a MFA program a possibility? How do I even get started? I am so anxious that I will graduate, and not be able to find work, because my work history is so horrible. Short term employments, no employment.
If you are reading this, and have any advice for me, please leave it in the comments. I would love a little guidance. I have been thinking about freelance writing, but I am not very confident in my writing skills.